You Could've Waited
by KimberlyJordan
Summary: Deacon's 5th stint in rehab. Rayna's pregnant and marrying Teddy. A look at how he dealt with a devastating blow, and the immediate aftermath once he returned to Nashville.
1. Chapter 1

Deacon sat alone on the balcony, listening to the waves crash along the south Florida shore line. The latest and greatest rehab center Rayna had checked him into should have been paradise. All he could think about was "her". The sunset and ocean breezes only reminded him of a trip to Mexico he'd taken with Rayna a few years ago during happier times.

He'd been in rehab for over 5 months now. His 5th attempt at beating his alcohol and drug habit. When Watty had told him it was a 6 month program he'd balked and refused to go.

"6 damn months? No goddamn way, Watt! I ain't doin it!" he'd snapped

"You either agree, or you're fired. If you won't get help, there's no room for you on this tour, or in this band anymore. You've become too much of a liability. Rayna can't depend on you to make shows. Hell, Deacon…she can't even depend on you to make rehearsals anymore!" Watty had snapped back

"Where is she? I wanna talk to her."

"She doesn't want to see you, Deacon! Not until you get help!"

He'd tried to call Rayna several times in the weeks after Watty proposed the latest rehab center. He'd tried to stop by rehearsals only to be escorted away by Rayna's security people.

He'd lost track of how many messages, letters, and cards he'd sent her. She hadn't responded to any of them.

He only vaguely remembered the last time he'd seen her at the cabin. He'd only been out of rehab a short time. His fourth failed attempt at sobriety.

The sun gleaming off the Cumberland river, and Rayna standing over him yelling about the bottle of Jack Daniels on the coffee table half empty was his first memory of whatever transpired that night and the following morning.

"YOU JUST WOKE UP AND STARTED DRINKING?" she'd yelled as he groggily awoke to a slap on the shoulder

"Baby, I just….I couldn't sleep…I…."

"YOU JUST GOT OUT OF REHAB AND YOU'RE DRINKING! DON'T TOUCH ME! DO YOU REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT LAST NIGHT, WHAT YOU ASKED ME?" she demanded as he stood confused and dazed, trying to reach for her

"What did I ask you?"

She'd slipped a ring off her left hand, tossing it to the floor with a ping as it bounced off the hardwood. Deacon scrambled for it realizing it was the engagement ring he'd bought before he'd gone to rehab the 4th time. He'd planned to propose when the time was right, but apparently he'd done it the night before after taking some pills. He rubbed his temples trying to recall anything from the night before. It was all a blank. He couldn't even remember picking Rayna up from her rehearsal, or the drive to the cabin.

"RAYNA…RAYNA…." He'd tried to stop her, but she was more upset than he'd ever seen her. Completely refusing to even let him touch her as she stormed out to his truck, driving away, and leaving him stranded at the cabin alone.

Watty had shown up the next morning to bring his truck back and propose one of the best rehab programs in the United States. It was in the Florida Keys, almost a 16 hour drive from Nashville.

He'd refused, leaving Watty no choice, but to fire him.

After weeks of failed attempts to just talk to Rayna, he'd tearfully called Watty from a park bench outside the hall where she'd been rehearsing.

"I'll go." Was all he said when Watty answered

"Can I see her for just a minute? PLEASE?" he'd begged when Watty came out to greet him

"OK, she's taking a break, but ONLY a few minutes. Then we need to get you cleaned up and on a plane to Florida."

Rayna's demeanor had been icy at best as Watty led Deacon into her dressing room. She clearly wasn't happy Watty had let him in.

"He's going. Just talk to him for a minute. He'll be gone 6 months, OK?" Deacon had heard Watty tell her as he waited outside her door

He could tell it was taking everything she had not to cry. She stayed on the opposite side of the room, refusing to let him get close. Her main security guy stayed in the room the whole time. Watty was just outside the door ready to get him cleaned up and on his way to rehab as soon as he was done with Rayna.

"You look like hell!" she said barely meeting his gaze

"I feel like hell." He tried to smile

"I'll have Watty get you some clean clothes. When was the last time you had a shower, or a decent meal?" she asked

"I dunno. Ray…I….I'm sorry! I didn't mean to…I didn't know…" he stammered unable to even form a sentence

He glanced at his reflection in the large dressing room mirror. His clothes were dirty and rumpled, like he'd been sleeping in them. He honestly couldn't recall the last meal he'd eaten, the last hot shower he'd taken, when he'd last slept, or where. All he'd thought about for weeks was talking to Rayna. Now that she was in front of him he could barely speak. He knew he was at an all time low.

"Miss Jaymes…they're ready for you." One of Rayna's PA's had poked his head in to signal Rayna the band was ready to get back to work

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm gonna get better this time. I promise. Please say you'll be here when I get back?" he pleaded with such sadness in his eyes it nearly broke Rayna's heart

"I can't do that this time, Deacon. You need to get better for yourself." She quickly left the room not wanting to break down in front of him

"C'mon, Deke. I'll take you to the house to get a shower and pack some clothes." Watty said as he led Deacon out of the rehearsal hall.

Deacon hadn't been to the East Nashville home he'd shared with Rayna in weeks. He really couldn't remember much about where he'd been. After taking a good hard look at himself in that dressing room mirror, he could see why Rayna wanted nothing to do with him.

She was right. He looked like hell. His hair was a mess, his clothes were a mess, he was a mess. Dark circles under his eyes. Some bruising on his jawline, probably from a bar fight he couldn't remember.

Rayna had moved all of her belongings out of the house. The closet was almost bare without her clothes and shoes. All that hung in the sparse closet were Deacon's jeans, denim shirts, and a couple pairs of boots.

The bathroom vanity was empty, and the kitchen counter tops bare.

"When did she move out?" he asked Watty

"Couple weeks ago."

Watty accompanied him all the way to Florida. He made sure Deacon was checked into a detox room before he left to go back to Nashville.

"It's done. He's all checked in. It's an intense program. He can't have any visitors or even phone contact for the first 90 days. You made the right choice. He needs to do this for himself. You can't give him any false hope or indication that you'll be there when this is over." Watty tried to convince Rayna she'd done the right thing, taking the tough love approach, when he called her from the plane back en route to Nashville

"Why does it feel so wrong?" she sobbed

"You love him. This is for the best. You need to just let him go. He's never gonna get better if he thinks he always has you to fall back on. He needs to stand on his own two feet and do this for himself. You can't help him, or fix this. Only he can do that, and he needs to find the strength to do that on his own. The best thing you can do is let him go."

"I'm not sure I can do that, Watty. I love him so much. Why can't he love me enough to just stop the booze and pills?"

"Sweetheart, if he could, he would, but he's always gonna have this monkey on his back! You're young. I love Deke like a son. He's not a bad person. He just has problems, but you can do so much better. You need to move on and find love with someone who can give you the life you deserve. If you love him, let him go."

Deacon thought the first 90 days were agonizing, but it was nothing compared to the last 60 days. He'd tried numerous times to call Rayna since being given phone privileges. He'd left tearful messages begging her to call him. He'd written letters almost daily for 5 months without a single response. He'd sent her roses at least 6 times. Nothing worked. She hadn't bothered to call or write. She was over 1000 miles away and he was stuck for another 30 days.

He'd made some friends and had quite a bit of freedom now that he'd made it this far. He spent time walking the beech, writing sad songs about lost love, and praying that maybe if he completed the program and stayed sober he'd have a chance to make it all up to Rayna when he got back to Nashville.

His hopes were crushed late one night as he came back from a beech walk. He'd avoided TV and tabloids for over 5 months. First because he wasn't allowed as part of the rehab program, but then by choice. He didn't want to hear the negative press about his stint in rehab, or his break up with Rayna.

Several of the guys were in a common area watching the 10 o clock news as he passed by in the hallway on his way back to his room.

" _In entertainment news, Queen of country Rayna Jaymes will wed new love Teddy Conrad this weekend. The wedding and reception will take place at the Belle Meade country club just outside of Nashville. Many of country's biggest stars are said to be attending. Rumor has it the couple is expecting a baby girl in March."_

Deacon's heart nearly hit the floor. "Engaged…pregnant….." it was almost incomprehensible as he continued on to his room in a haze

"How could she do this to him? Why? They never even really broke up officially, never actually sat down and talked or had the "it's over" conversation." He thought back. There were so many gaps in his memory

"Who the fuck is Teddy Conrad?" he punched the wall several times in frustration

Four weeks passed before he felt able to control his anger enough to call Rayna again. Of course she didn't answer. She hadn't answered in almost 6 months. Now he knew why. He'd be out of rehab in 2 days. He'd hoped Rayna would be waiting like the other 4 times, but now he was sure she wouldn't.

He wanted a drink for the first time in a couple months.

"What the hell is there to stay sober for now?" he thought as he listened to Rayna's voicemail greeting

"Hey…ahhhh….it's Deacon, AGAIN! I guess congratulations are in order, huh? Look, Ray I know I made your life hell. I guess you don't owe me an explanation, but you could have told me. Hell, you could have waited and officially ended our relationship before you married someone else. I don't get it. Did the last 11 years mean anything? I guess nothin really much matters now, huh? Well…congratulations on the marriage and the baby. Nothin left to say at this point. For what it's worth…I'll always love you. Goodbye, Ray. I won't bother you again." His voice cracked as he finished his message and hung up


	2. Chapter 2

"You're awfully quiet. What's new? How are things with Teddy?" Tandy asked as she and Rayna had lunch at a local bistro.

"He's great. Everything's fine." Rayna answered barely looking up from her plate. She'd been picking at her food for several minutes without taking a bite.

"…and you? How are you? You don't seem to have much of an appetite for someone who's 8 months pregnant."

"I'm fine, REALLY! Just ready to get this baby out of me. I feel like a beached whale. I miss performing. Teddy tells me I'm positively glowing and pregnancy suits me, but I don't feel it." She tried to smile as Tandy furrowed her brow knowingly

"…..and what about….."

"DON'T SAY IT! PLEASE, JUST LEAVE IT ALONE, TANDY! I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT…" her voice trailed off. She didn't want to say his name.

"Deacon?" Tandy asked

Rayna pushed her plate away, and got up to use the ladies room.

"I'll be right back. This baby's always on my bladder." She said quickly leaving the table, but not before Tandy noticed the tears in her eyes

By the time she came back Tandy had the lunch boxed up, had paid the tab, and was ready to go.

"Why don't we get out of here?" Tandy suggested

"Sooooo Coleman told me you'd called him." Tandy tried again as she drove Rayna back to her apartment

"I just want him to have someone to lean on. He doesn't have anyone, Tandy! That's all!" she snapped

"…and does Teddy know you're still taking care of Deacon?" Tandy asked accusingly

"Oh for pete's sake. I'M NOT TAKING CARE OF DEACON! I just think he needs someone to talk to, someone to help him when he feels shaky, and Coleman has been there. He knows what it's like to be a recovering alcoholic. Is that so wrong?" Rayna snapped defensively

"Rayna I know you paid the bill for Deacon's rehab, and I know it was well over $150,000 for 6 months at that beech front detox center."

"So What! What if I did? I was his employer. He was in my band. I felt responsible for his treatment. After all, I pretty much forced him to go, and had Watty tell him he would be fired if he refused!"

"Is he fired? I mean, I know as soon as this baby's old enough to travel, you'll be back on tour. Does that tour include Deacon?"

"I don't know." Rayna refused to look her sister in the eye

"…and how's that gonna work? You plan to live on a tour bus with Deacon, and keep the fact that your daughter is his a secret?"

"I never said this baby was Deacon's." Rayna retorted

"Oh please! You didn't have to. You were showing by the time you and Teddy announced you were pregnant. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to do the math!"

"As far as we're concerned Maddie is Teddy's child. He doesn't even want to know until after she's born. His name will be on her birth certificate and Conrad will be her last name!"

"Is that what you really want?"

"It doesn't matter anymore what I want, Tandy. Teddy is a sweet, loving, caring man. He's home every night for dinner. He rarely drinks. He loves me. He loves Maddie. He'll be a great father and husband. That's all that matters now!"

"I agree. Teddy's an amazing man. He loves you, but I couldn't help but noticed you left something out. Do you love him?"

Rayna looked away from her sister's glare. Deep down she knew she'd never love anyone the way she loved Deacon, but Deacon wasn't capable of the life their daughter needed. He wasn't dependable. He had a temper and could be violent when he was drunk. He'd never purposely hit Rayna, although he'd come up swinging from a drunken sleep on more than one occasion. He usually preferred to take his violent tendencies out on furniture or guitars.

He'd smashed more beer bottles against walls when he was angry than Rayna cared to recall. He'd punched the fender of his truck or her car a time or two in a drunken rage. The fights they'd had while he was drinking, about his drinking, about rehab, about his failing work ethic over missed shows and rehearsals were never ending.

…but then there were the good times. The really good times when he was sober or only drinking socially with a few friends. The times he was so gentle and loving. She could see into his soul and knew deep down he was a good person. She knew he loved her more than anyone else ever would. No matter how drunk he was, that never seemed to waver. She was the only woman he wanted, the only woman he saw, the love of his life. He was always so sorry after he'd hurt or disappointed her. She could tell just by the look on his face he was more disappointed in himself than she could ever be.

… when it came to music Deacon Claybourne was the best of the best! She'd never seen anyone play a guitar with such feeling and raw emotion as if it was an extension of his soul. His voice melted her heart and together onstage nothing else mattered. They could be in an arena with 70,000 fans and Deacon was the only person she saw or heard. One look into his deep blue eyes and she knew she could do anything onstage. He'd given her the courage to pursue a career in music. She knew without Deacon Claybourne there'd be no Rayna Jaymes.

It was those memories of the good times that made her question everything about the past 8 months. Everyone from her sister, Watty, Bucky, and now Coleman kept telling her to "stay away from him." "You can't fix this." "He needs to do this for himself." "He'll never get better if you don't cut him lose."

She'd found herself sobbing, alone in her downtown apartment last night after talking to Coleman. Tandy was right…she was sort of still taking care of Deacon. She'd asked Coleman to look out for him, casually get to know him through AA without mentioning he knew her. She didn't want Deacon to know she was keeping tabs on him. This way, Cole could quietly friend Deacon, and let her know how Deacon was doing, while she maintained her distance.

Cole had done as she asked. He'd casually introduced himself to Deacon at an AA meeting. Deacon never suspected a connection to Rayna. They'd become quick friends, and Cole had met Deacon a few times since for coffee.

"How is he really doing?" Rayna had asked Cole the night before on the phone

"He's doin good. He's sober for himself for the first time ever. He misses you, Rayna. I'm not gonna lie and say he doesn't, but you need to let him go. I know you love him, but if you give him false hope, and then things fall apart again you'll send him right back to the bottom of a bottle. He's fragile. Total sobriety is new to him. He's in AA. He's writing and working again. The best thing you can do now is let him be. Get on with your life and let him get on with his." Cole had told Rayna as she fought back tears

She hadn't seen Deacon for about 8 months. It was the longest they'd been apart since they started dating. She'd thought it might get easier as time passed, but the baby growing inside her was a constant reminder that Deacon Claybourne was a permanent part of her life whether he knew it or not.

There had been a slight chance the baby was Teddy's. Her first sonogram had confirmed otherwise. The only possibility for conception was the last night she'd spent at the cabin with Deacon. The night he'd so lovingly proposed. She had been so happy that night she'd felt like her heart might explode. Finding Deacon on the couch early the next morning with an open Jack Daniels bottle on the table had been horrible, but worse because he didn't remember anything about the night before. He didn't remember proposing to her, or making love for hours on the floor near the fireplace. He didn't remember talking most of the night about a future together.

Deacon's final voice message to her confirmed he knew about the pregnancy, but he didn't seem to realize there was even a chance the baby was his. She couldn't fathom how he remembered nothing about their last night at the cabin together. She knew if he suspected the baby to be his, he wouldn't just stay away so easily. She'd secretly hoped he would try to see her once he got back to Nashville. She was really a bit surprised that he hadn't. No calls, no letters, no cards, flowers, or candy. All of it had abruptly stopped about 5 months into his rehab stay with a single tearful voicemail from Deacon.

The hurt in his voice acknowledging he knew about Teddy, the wedding, and the baby was heartbreaking. She'd betrayed him. While he was away trying to get better…for her, she'd moved on. It wasn't the first heartbreaking message. They'd all reduced her to tears. Once Deacon got phone privileges he'd left her at least 2 to 3 messages per week. Before that it seemed a letter from him showed up every other day or so.

Every call, every letter telling her how sorry he was. He'd make it up to her somehow. He loved her, and wanted the life they'd always talked about. He was clean and sober, and planned to stay that way.

"This time's really gonna stick, baby. I can feel it. It's different this time. I know you don't believe me, but you'll see. You were right to send me here 6 months. They've fixed me up. I'll be home soon. I can't wait to see you. I miss you so damn much, Ray. I love you, baby. Please think about giving us another shot when I get back to Nashville. You won't regret it, Ray. I promise this time's different."

He sounded so confident, so sure. It took every ounce of her will power to not answer his calls. She'd had her phone in her hand so many times close to calling him. She'd written him letters too. They were all tear stained, but he'd never read them. She never sent them. They were all hidden away in a box at the back of her closet, along with the ring he'd given her, pictures, even one of his old Tshirts.

She still cried herself to sleep every night, hoping, praying that maybe somehow things could be different, that maybe he could be the husband and father she always wanted him to be. The man she could depend on, to love her, and their child, and provide a safe and loving home. Part of her wanted to believe that man was in there somewhere and someway he'd suddenly make everything right again.

"Rayna…I asked you a question. Do you love Teddy?" Tandy shook her from her thoughts of Deacon

"Of course I love him. He's a wonderful man, and he'd do anything for me and my baby. I owe him everything. You know, I'm really kinda tired and Teddy will be off work soon. Thank you for lunch, but I really need to lie down." Rayna said getting up and ushering Tandy towards the door

"Are you sure you're OK?" Tandy asked worried

"I'm just tired."

"Have you heard from him?" Tandy finally asked as she opened the door to leave

"No. He's been back in Nashville almost 2 months and I haven't heard from him." Rayna sadly answered

"Let him go, Rayna. He isn't good for you, and he sure as hell isn't a father." Tandy closed the door before Rayna could argue

Rayan burst into tears as soon as Tandy was gone. She was hoping a lot of it was just hormonal changes due to the pregnancy, but deep down she knew it was a longing for Deacon. She retreated to her bedroom and pulled the box of Deacon memories from the closet. She put his old Tshirt to her face and took in his scent. God, she missed his scent. She'd even snuck to the East Nashville house a few times just to feel closer to him before he got out of rehab, to take in the smells, the memories, look at his guitars, and lyrics he'd left strewn about.

She packed everything back into the box and stashed it deep in the back of the closet again. She wondered what Deacon was doing now. "Was he writing a new song?" "Was he thinking of her?"

She curled up in bed and cried herself to sleep, cradling her baby bump. Her dreams took her to Deacon more and more often. At least in sleep he was still hers, and she was still his.

"Hey, sweetie…it's almost 6. You'll be up all night if you don't get up for a little while now. Rayna, Come on…wake up! Ray…"

"I've missed you so much. Just hold me and never let go." She smiled sleepily, still not completely coherent as she wrapped her arms around him.

"I don't plan to ever let you go. How's my baby girl today?" he asked rubbing Rayna's bump as she snoozed in his arms smiling

"Wha….where….I….." she couldn't catch her breath. She'd been so deep into a dream about making love to Deacon, she hadn't realized it was Teddy she was wrapped around.

"Hey…hey…it's OK. I'm right here, Rayna. Is it the baby? Are you OK?" Teddy asked sensing the fear in her as she woke and realized it wasn't Deacon she'd been wrapped around


	3. Chapter 3

He'd written enough sad love songs about loss and heartbreak to fill several albums since his return to Nashville almost 2 months ago. He'd barely left the house except for AA meetings, and to occasionally visit the small convenience store down the street for more canned spaghetti, and coke.

He'd met a new sponsor in AA, and really liked the guy. Coleman had talked him into coffee this morning. At first he'd balked, not wanting to risk being out in public in Nashville. He didn't want to answer any questions about his time in rehab or Rayna.

Coleman had persisted, telling him he needed to get back out in the world and quit hiding. He'd also convinced him to visit the Bluebird and Opry, and maybe some other small venues around town to try and get back into performing. He'd been working since his first days at home, but only writing, selling his music to labels, and private meetings.

For the most part he wasn't sure what to do with all of his time. The past 11 years had been about Rayna and her career. They shared all of the same friends so he'd been reluctant to contact anyone since arriving home.

He thought about her all the time. 8 months apart hadn't changed anything. He still loved her, but she was a married woman now, expecting a baby girl any day as far as he knew. He'd avoided news, tabloids and anything that might remind him of Rayna and the fact that she'd married someone else while he was away.

It helped that Rayna had also been keeping a low profile in the last few months of pregnancy. The tabloids had little to report with no sightings and no new work in progress for the queen of country. Her people had been extremely quiet since the supposed country club wedding. To Deacon's surprise there had been little fanfare surrounding the wedding. Even at the convenience store he'd seen no wedding pictures adorning the tabloids lined up near the register.

Watty had met him at the airport offering a ride home when he'd landed back in Nashville. It took everything he had not to ask about Rayna, but he'd refrained. Deep down he wanted to know she was OK, and happy. At the same time he kinda hoped she was miserable and missing him as much as he missed her. Not that it mattered either way. She had a new life that didn't include him.

He understood why she chose to cut him completely out of her life. He'd made her miserable, worried her sick, destroyed her furniture, made her cry almost daily when they were together. He regretted everything he'd put her through. Being sober had made it all so clear. She deserved so much better, and he hoped this Teddy Conrad she'd married could give her what he never could.

It still hurt like hell that she could just walk away from an 11 year relationship without even talking about it. He went back and forth in his own mind both understanding why she did it, but at the same time feeling like she owed him at least a goodbye, an explanation. "Maybe she'd met this guy and fallen so head over heels in love she'd simply forgotten Deacon and there time together" he thought as he sat on his porch swing waiting for Coleman to pick him up.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Coleman smiled as he approached

"You'd be payin too much!" Deacon half smiled, pulled from his thoughts of Rayna

"How are you today, Deacon?"

"Same, can't complain, so I won't." he replied descending the front steps to Coleman's car

"Have you eaten? I could go for some breakfast. How about the Loveless?"

"Sure, haven't been there in years. Sounds real good."

Deacon was quiet through breakfast. No matter how hard he tried to think about anything other than Rayna she always crept into his mind. He'd forgotten there were pictures of Rayna on the Loveless walls. As they left the restaurant one in the entry caught his eye. The two of them onstage at the opry. It was Rayna's induction 2 years ago. He lightly ran his fingers across the picture as he passed.

"You OK?" Coleman asked. He felt a little guilty keeping the fact that he'd known Rayan for years from Deacon

Deacon had opened up to Coleman about his ex, but hadn't disclosed her identity. He figured Coleman knew who his ex was. Their relationship was pretty public right along with Rayna's rise to the top of the country charts. Coleman hadn't ever asked anything other than questions about the relationship and about Deacon's feeling towards his ex.

"Just a memory, better time in my life." Deacon responded tracing the outline of Rayna's face with his finger in the picture before walking away

"You wanna talk about it?" Coleman asked as they got in his car

"I love her, Cole. That ain't ever gonna change. She was my world, and I blew it. I hurt and disappointed her so many damn times. She must hate me for everything I put her through. I haven't heard from her since the day I left for rehab 8 months ago. I tried for a while to call, write. She never responded. I heard about her wedding and the baby on the news one night couple weeks before I got sprung from rehab. I guess she's in love and moved on. Can't say I blame her. She deserves better than me."

"Give it some time. It'll get better. Maybe you'll meet someone and fall in love yourself." Cole squeezed Deacon's shoulder in support

"I'll never love anyone like I love Ray. There are still days I don't even feel like I can breathe without her. Takes everything I've got to get out of bed and putter around the house writin fuckin sad ass love songs. Lucky for me the record labels like sad ass love songs. They're sellin like crazy." He tried to laugh

"You gotta stop thinkin about her like that Deke. She's like a drug to you. You feel like you need her, but you don't. You can do this. You've been single for 8 months and you're still sober. That had nothin to do with Rayna. It was all you. You did it for yourself."

"You're wrong, Cole. I still did it for her. Maybe her marriage won't work out? Maybe someday I'll get another shot, and I'm damn well not gonna fuck it up if it ever happens. If I get her back, I'll never let her go or disappoint her again."

"That's not healthy, man. You care about her. Do you really want her marriage to fail?" Cole asked pointedly

"I guess not, if she's truly happy with this Teddy guy, but dammit she never even said goodbye! After 11 years together didn't I at least deserve to hear her say it was over?"

"I dunno, Deke. I think no response for over 8 months to countless cards and letters says a lot, don't you?" Cole asked

"I guess…just…hurts like hell, like she doesn't even care, ya know?"

"I think she cares, but she wants you to get well on your own. She can't be your crutch anymore. You need to let her go, and you need to stay sober and clean for yourself. Work on yourself and then worry about love."

"Sure as hell doesn't feel like she cares. She just moved on like …like we never mattered!" Deacon was feeling angry the more he thought about Rayna

"Calm down! I know for a fact, she cares. It mattered, but the best thing you can do for her and yourself is accept that you weren't good for each other and move on."

"It's not like her, Cole. She's been mad at me before, really mad, but never like this…to just completely blow me off for months, ignore my calls, and letters. Hell, I've sent her roses half a dozen times. I've written her songs and sent the lyrics. I just can't believe she doesn't care."

It was nearly 1pm by the time Cole left Deacon alone at his east Nashville home. Talking about Rayna had only made him miss her more. He wanted a drink. His resolve was fading and he wasn't sure staying sober was gonna work for much longer. Rayan consumed his thoughts day and night. She was his first thought every morning and he often fell asleep thinking of her, wishing she was still next to him in bed.

He tried to take an afternoon nap, but his mind wouldn't shut off. He missed Rayna so much it physically hurt. He thought about going to the cabin, but there were more memories there. He finally gave in late that night and drove the hour to the cabin.

Like the east Nashville house Rayna had removed all of her belongings from the cabin. The closets were bare, the countertops cleared. Her favorite pictures and knick knacks were gone. All she left was the "Eternity" sign hanging in the living room.

Aside from that awful day in Rayna's dressing room just before Watty escorted him to rehab, The cabin had been the last place he'd spent any real time with Rayna. He barely remembered their last night here together. The morning after when she'd thrown his ring on the floor was more vivid. He'd picked it up and left it on the kitchen counter. It wasn't there now. He looked around unable to find it. A glimmer of hope warmed his heart that maybe she'd taken it. It was hers. He wanted her to have it.

He sat alone on the porch writing till the sun came up over the Cumberland. He finally felt exhausted enough to sleep and went in to crawl into bed. It had been 8 months, but the faint scent of Rayna's perfume still lingered in the sheets and on the pillows. He quietly cried himself to sleep. He wanted a drink so bad. He just wanted to forget her. Make the pain stop, but nothing seemed to work.

It was noon when he finally woke. He still felt tired, but shuffled to the kitchen in his slippers to make coffee. Rayna had bought him the slippers. The cabin floors could be cold on winter nights. It just saddened him more thinking about the damn slippers. He had someone who cared, who would have done anything for him, took care of him, and he blew it.

There was a chill in the February air, but he retreated to the porch anyway. The song he'd been working on the night before was still on the outdoor table. He grabbed his Gibson and began putting music to the words.

Song – She's In Love by Mark Wills

Third of June she said goodbye  
I watched her walk into the night  
The hardest thing I ever did was let her go  
We swore as friends we stay in touch  
Best of friends don't mean that much  
When that phone call comes to tell you  
She's in love

She's in love  
She's got that fire in her eyes  
She's in love  
How her smile lights up the sky  
It's like she's walking on air  
She's been set free  
Still I can't believe  
She's in love  
Strolling down a one-way street  
She's in love  
You'd swear her heart has wings  
She's in love  
Why can't it be me

Told everyone I'm doing fine  
Learned how to get on with my life  
I just want what's best for her  
So I lied  
Found a note on my door last night  
Said, "I'll be your friend 'till the day I die"  
But you should know I found someone  
Now she's in love

She's in love  
She's got that fire in her eyes  
She's in love  
How her smile lights up the sky  
It's like she's walking on air  
She's been set free  
Still I can't believe  
She's in love  
Strolling down a one-way street  
She's in love  
You'd swear her heart has wings  
She's in love  
Why can't it be me

She's in love  
She's got that fire in her eyes  
She's in love  
How her smile lights up the sky  
It's like she's walking on air  
She's been set free  
Still I can't believe  
She's in love  
Strolling down a one-way street  
She's in love  
You'd swear her heart has wings  
She's in love  
Why can't it be me

Oh now she's in love  
Why can't it be me  
She's in love  
She's in love  
She's in love  
She's in love

It was 3pm before he realized it and the chill had numbed his fingers. He chopped some wood and started a fire in the living room fireplace. He'd come up to the cabin so late he hadn't even thought about stopping for groceries. He was starving. Thinking back he hadn't eaten since brunch at the Loveless with Coleman he day before. He quickly scanned the cupboards for something, anything to get him through till tomorrow. He found an old familiar staple. His collection of canned spaghetti. Eating cold spaghetti from the can had always grossed Rayna out and she refused to let him do it in her presence, but she wasn't here now.

Feeling a bit better after eating he decided to clean a little. The place had a layer of dust after 8 months of neglect. He started in the bathroom. Most of the drawers in the double vanity were empty. Rayna had cleared out everything she had at the cabin. He was wiping down the inside of the drawers when he felt something pressed against the back of one on Rayna's side of the double vanity.

It was wedged tight at the back, but he finally loosened the item. He pulled out a package of Rayna's birth control pills. The prescription was dated for June of last year. He opened the dial box. She'd only taken the first 3 pills in June.

At first he didn't think much of it. The package had been wedged tight against the back of the drawer. She probably thought she lost them and refilled them.

He finished the bathroom and retreated back to the couch to watch the fire flames dance. He was deep in thought staring into the fire. A memory suddenly flooded his mind. The last night he'd spent here with Rayna he'd built a fire. It wasn't cold last June, but Rayna loved cuddling on the floor in front of a fire so he'd given in even in the 90 degree heat, turning the a/c down so it was bearable.

June…he'd left rehab in early June. His 4th stint. He'd missed Rayna so much. He was supposed to stay 60 days, but he'd checked himself out on day 49. Rayna was furious when he'd shown up at the east Nashville house almost 2 weeks before his scheduled release. They'd fought for several days before he finally left for the cabin to cool off alone.

He thought she'd be happy to see him, but she wasn't. He was instantly hurt and angry. To make matter worse he knew her sister had been trying to set her up with some colleague of hers. An up and coming business type, into politics. Deacon was sure the guy had Lamar and Tandy's stamp of approval. He sure as hell never had. Looking back now he was almost sure it was Teddy Conrad. There were so many gaps in his memory.

Fearing Rayna might actually like this guy he'd bought her a dozen roses and waited for her after a rehearsal. She'd cooled off and he was easily able to melt her heart and talk her into a weekend at the cabin. That's where the details became sketchy for Deacon. He was upset about this Teddy guy, and the fact that he and Rayna had been fighting. He didn't want to drink because she'd smell that on him and be pissed off all over again.

He opted instead for a pill to relax himself. He wasn't really even sure what he'd taken, but he needed something to calm his nerves. He wanted it to be a good night with Rayna. The last thing he wanted to do was fight about, drinking, rehab, or Teddy Conrad. He'd taken the pill just before he picked Rayna up.

The next memory was the next morning. Rayna was furious again. There was a bottle of Jack on the coffee table half empty and his breath reeked of stale booze. She'd slapped his shoulder. He was confused and foggy as he woke, bright sun streaming in. She was yelling at first, but crying hysterically as she packed to leave. He pleaded with her to stay, but she took his truck and left him there.

…but now alone again, watching the fire flames, something came back. He'd made love to Rayna that night in front of the fire. They gone to bed together, but sometime in the night he must've gotten up and opened the bottle of Jack. He couldn't recall the details, but he did remember making love to Rayna on the cabin floor before bed that night.

It had been mid June. He pulled the package of birth control pills from his shirt pocket. They were dated June of last year. He swallowed a lump in his throat. He felt like he couldn't breathe for a few seconds until he composed himself.

"No, she'd tell me. Wouldn't she?" he thought as he did the math in his head

"July, August, September, October, November, December, January, February, March…9 months!" He remembered the TV news report he'd heard in rehab. "The couple is expecting a baby girl in March."

"She wouldn't try to pass my baby off as Teddy's, would she?" he thought

"I know her. She might be mad as hell at me, but she wouldn't do that? She couldn't live with herself. Could she?" he wondered

He glanced at the clock on the wall. It was after 11pm. He quickly dialed Coleman's number anyway.

"Hey, Cole….I….I need to talk…I need to go to the 6am meeting. Sorry to bother you so late, but I..came to the cabin to get away and I remember some things. I'm not sure what to do."

"Deacon, calm down! Tell me what's happening."

"I…I think Rayna's baby is mine."

"OK, relax. You're at the cabin?" Coleman asked

"Is there any alcohol there, Deacon?"

"No…I don't think so."

"Alright, sit tight. I need to make a call and I'll be right there, OK?"

"Hey…Cole I never gave you the address…" The line went fuzzy

Deacon tried to call back. He'd mentioned the cabin to Cole, but never gave him an address or said it was an hour from Nashville. He tried a couple times, but cell service at the cabin had always been hit and miss. He tried stepping out on the porch. Still no signal.


	4. Chapter 4

"Why don't I just stay over tonight? The baby's been quiet. Tonight could be the night. Maybe she'll make an early appearance." Teddy smiled and rubbed Rayna's belly as he leaned in for a kiss

"It's almost midnight. You have an early day. You don't have to stay. The baby's not coming tonight, Teddy. I still have almost a month to go."

"Speaking of a month…you know we still need to reschedule the wedding. I know you said you don't want to make a big deal out of it, but how about a little mountain chapel in Pigeon Forge. We'll take your sister, dad, Watty, Bucky…10 people tops this weekend and just do a private ceremony? What do you think?" Teddy asked. He'd been so patient and understanding when she'd told him she didn't want to do the country club wedding just days before the big event.

They'd managed to keep it quiet and out of the tabloids. News had broke of the country club wedding being off, but Rayna and Teddy had gone away the same weekend to avoid the media. Rayna's PR team had refused comment. Somehow the story had evolved to Rayna's dislike of the country club life, which was true, but had gone on to say they'd simply eloped privately at an undisclosed location. As far as anyone knew they were already married. Only their closest friends and family knew there had been no wedding and Teddy was most likely not the baby's father.

"That's sounds nice, but what's the rush? We can always get married after she's born?" Rayna suggested

Teddy sat up and moved to the edge of the bed, pulling his shoes on. Rayna sensed he was getting a bit irritated with her. She'd managed to keep him at a distance, but she wasn't sure how much longer he'd been patient, but it seemed to be waning tonight.

"Rayna, I love you and I love that baby girl. If you want me to play the part of daddy here, I need you to make a commitment to me. Marry me this weekend? I want to be married when Maddie is born. I don't think that's too much to ask considering the circumstances here."

"You're right. I've expected you to just bend and go along with whatever I've asked, and you have. You're an amazing man, and I couldn't think of a better father for Maddie. OK, this weekend it is!" Rayna tried to smile, but her heart just wasn't into a weekend wedding.

"Really?" Teddy's face lit up. He kissed her with such passion she almost forgot who she was kissing. Passion hadn't really ever been Teddy's strong suit. Their sex life had been lackluster at best, but Rayna had also been pregnant the entire time.

"Yeah, I already have the dress. We just need the chapel. Let's do it." She couldn't refuse. He was so happy and she knew he'd be a wonderful father and husband. There really was no reason to keep him waiting any longer. It wasn't fair to Teddy.

"You've made me a very happy man. I'll make the chapel arrangements and call you with the information tomorrow, OK?" he smiled and planted another deep kiss on her lips before getting up to leave.

Teddy had been gone less than 5 minutes when Rayna's cell phone rang on the bed side table. She glanced at the display.

"Coleman at this hour?" she quickly picked up

"Cole, what's wrong? It's after midnight."

"I'm sorry to bother you so late. Is Teddy with you?"

"uuhhh…No, he just left. Why?" she asked concern growing

"It's Deacon. I think you need to talk to him, tonight!" Cole insisted

"Why? What's going on? Is he drinking?"

"Not yet, but he's pretty upset. He knows about the baby, Rayna. It was one thing when he didn't know, but I can't flat out lie to him knowing the baby is his. You don't have to come with me if you don't want to, but I needed to tell you I'm not gonna lie to him anymore."

"How did he find out?"

"I'm not sure. He's at the cabin. Said memories just came to him. I'm heading up there now. I can pick you up if you wanna tell him about the baby yourself?"

"uuhhhh.I…I dunno, Cole …I thought we agreed staying away from him was the best thing I could do?"

"It was, but you're having a baby with him. He knows. Do you really think he'll just walk away without a fight now?"

"I honestly have no idea what he'll do, or how he'll react Cole. He's so volatile when he's mad, or drinking."

"Well, there's not much you can do now, but tell him the truth. He's a good guy. He doesn't want to disappoint you again. I still feel like he'd be better off on his own and away from you until he's had some serious sobriety time under his belt, but it is what it is. He knows about the baby. You're just gonna have to deal with that now, and so is he."

****silence*******

"Rayna?"

"I'll go with you. You're right. He deserves the truth, and he deserves to hear it from me. I'll be ready in 10 minutes."

Rayna was quiet on the drive to the cabin. She had no idea what she was going to say to Deacon after 8 months of blowing him off. She knew he'd be angry, but hoped he wouldn't start drinking again before they got there. Secretly she'd hoped he would figure it out and realize the baby was his, but now that he had she wasn't so sure."

"Stay here. Let me go in first to see how he is." Cole told Rayna as he put the car in park, leaving the engine running for heat on the chilly February night

"Hey, Deke! How you doin?" Cole asked as he slid the porch door open

Deacon was still sitting on the couch, staring into the fireplace. He had Rayna's pills in his hand. He was calmer than Cole expected, but clearly upset.

"Guess I know now why she's been avoiding me." Deacon flatly said without looking away from the flames

"How do you feel about being a father?" Cole asked

"Most people get 9 months to get used to the idea. I'm gettin, what, a few weeks, tops? I don't even know exactly when she's due. Hell, for all I know she's already had it, or in labor now!"

"…and what if she doesn't want you in the child's life? Are you gonna be OK with that?"

"I dunno, Cole. I'm not even 100% sure it's mine, but I know we slept together in June and she's due in March. You do the math!"

"I know I've been telling you to stay away from her, but under the circumstances I think you two need to talk."

"Talk? …and how the hell am I supposed to get her to talk to me? She's avoided me for 8 goddamn months, Cole! Before I left for rehab, everytime I tried to get near her, she had some of her fuckin security people keep me away." Deacon was getting angry

"Calm down. I'm pretty sure she's ready to talk to you." Cole squeezed Deacon shoulder reassuringly

"What? …How do you….? Wait…How did you even know how to get here? I've never told you where this cabin was." Deacon asked confused

"Deacon, look…our meeting up in AA a few weeks ago wasn't by chance. I have a bit of a confession, and I hope you'll understand it was because she does still care about you."

"What?" Deacon only stared in confusion as Cole struggled for the right words

"I've known Rayna since she was a kid. I've done business with her father and sister for years."

"So…what, she sent you to check up on me? See if I'm still the fuck up I was 8 damn months ago? IS THAT IT?" Deacon was losing his temper

"No, she just wanted you to have someone to lean on, someone to talk to. I am an alcoholic, but I've been sober for years. I've sponsored a lot of folks since my own recovery. She knew that, and thought I might be able to help you too."

"If she cares so goddamnn much, why the hell doesn't she just talk to me herself? If this is my baby she's pregnant with, why didn't she just tell me?"

"You'll have to ask her all of that, Deke. Do you think you can calm down enough to see her?"

"Tonight?" Deacon asked

"She's in the car, but…." Before Cole could stop him, Deacon had pushed past him, was out the door, down the steps, and opening the driver's side door of Cole's BMW

Deacon slipped into the driver's seat, locked the doors, and had the car in reverse before Cole ever got off the porch.

"Deacon! What are you doing?" Rayna asked as Deacon shifted into drive and headed down the gravel road away from the cabin, leaving Cole yelling from the porch

"You realize this is grand theft auto?" Rayna asked after a few minutes of silence

"Yeah, well…add it to my list of fuck ups, Ray!" Deacon retorted as he pulled to the side of the gravel road a few miles from the cabin

"Deacon…I know you're hurt and angry, and you have every right to be, but let me explain."

"So the baby is mine?"

"Yeah, Maddie is yours." Rayna looked away suddenly ashamed for keeping his baby a secret from him all these months

"Maddie?" he asked swallowing a lump in his throat

"Yeah, it's a little girl, Deacon. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday. Here's the latest sonogram picture." Rayna pulled a black and white image from her purse, handing it to him.

He stared at the skeleton looking image for several minutes as Rayna pointed out things.

"See, it's a girl. It's hard to tell, but looks like she has a head full of dark hair, like you. She's perfect. You can see all her little fingers and toes. She hiccups after I eat. She already loves the sound of her daddy singing. I've been playing your album. I wanted her to know your voice." Rayna admitted with tears in her eyes

Deacon was calmer. Looking at his baby girl had completely disarmed him.

"You should have told me, Ray. Look…I know I was a damn mess. Hell, I am a damn mess, but …" he trailed off his voice cracking

"You're right. I should have told you, but it's not about US anymore, Deacon. It's about Maddie, and what's best for her. I need to protect her."

"From me?" he asked sadly

"Yeah."

"I get it. I can't say I blame you. So, this Teddy guy you married…Is he a good father, husband?" Deacon asked looking away from Rayna's gaze

"He's a wonderful man. He loves Maddie already like she's his own." Rayna didn't want to lie to him anymore. She was honest even though it hurt both of them

"Were you ever gonna tell me about her, Ray?"

"I wanted to, Deacon. I really did, but she needs a father that can provide a safe, loving home, and a future without doubts. She needs stability and you can't give us that." Rayna sadly admitted with tears stinging her eyes, unable to face Deacon

"So this Teddy, your husband, can give you that? He's willing to raise my baby as his own?" Deacon asked sadly

"Yeah, he's willing to do that. We're getting married this weekend."

"…but…I thought you were already married?" Deacon asked confused

"I called off our first ceremony. The country club just wasn't what I wanted for my wedding, and I had a lot of doubts too. I wasn't sure…"

"Because of me?" he asked with a glimmer of hope

"You're a big part of it, Yeah. The guilt over not telling you about Maddie. The fact that, I'll always love you, Deacon. It's just not enough anymore. I have Maddie to think about now."

"So what do you want from me, Ray? Are you gonna let me be part of Maddie's life?"

"I think it would be best if she knows Teddy as her father, Deacon. I'm not saying you can't see her, but maybe as an uncle, or friend?"

"She's my daughter, Rayna! I have a right to see her, to know her, to watch my little girl grow up. Please don't take that away from me! I've already missed most of your pregnancy. I haven't been to any doctor's appointments, or heard her heartbeat. Hell, Rayna…I've never even felt her kick. Don't take anymore away from me, Please?" he begged

"Deacon, please…you aren't capable of being the father she needs. If you love her, and me, the best thing you can do is let us go."

"I'm sober, Rayna! I've been sober over 8 months. Yeah, I've wanted to drink, until tonight. My little girl needs me. She's the reason I'll never take another drink again. Give me the chance to be her daddy? I swear you won't regret it, Rayna. I want this. I want this more than I've ever wanted anything in this world. Don't take my little girl away from me. Please, Rayna. Please give me a chance."

"Deacon…I love you. I do, but there's not room for another mistake here. There's an innocent baby involved, and you've failed at sobriety 4 other times. Why should I believe this time's any different?"

"Let me prove it, Rayna? I can be the husband and father you need me to be. Maddie changes everything. I can stay sober for her and you. Just give me a chance, baby?" he was pleading. Rayna could feel her resolve slipping away as he tearfully begged for another chance.

She'd never been able to resist Deacon Claybourne for long. The only reason she'd made it 8 months was because she'd stayed away from him, but now he was right here, begging for another chance not only with her, but as a father to their baby.

"Look..you don't have to answer me now. Take some time. Think about it, Ray."

"Deacon…I….I can't do this with you again. I can't … take the risk. Not when Maddie's involved. Please just let us go." Rayna begged hoping he'd just relent

"I'll never let go, Rayna! I'm her father, and nothing can change that."

"Deacon, if you love her you need to do what's best for her."

"…and what is that, Rayna? Huh? Lying to her about who her daddy is? I may never be father of the year, but I can love that little girl more than Teddy. She's my baby. I've made some horrible mistakes. I've put you through hell, and god I am sorry!" he was crying now

"Deacon…." He was wearing her down. She was having doubts about marrying Teddy.

"I love you, Ray. Don't marry Teddy. PLEASE, Rayna! Give me ONE more chance? That's all I need. I won't let you or Maddie down this time. I promise, baby. C'mon, Rayna. We love each other. We're having a baby together."

"I love you, Deacon. I do…hurting you is the last thing in this world I wanna do, but I need some time. I'm so confused and …can you please just give me some time."

"Take all the time you need, Ray. In the meantime though…I wanna be part of Maddie's life ..as her daddy. I don't want Teddy playing that part, OK?"

"We should get back to the cabin. Cole is probably furious by now." Rayna suggested trying to change the subject

"Yeah, I guess takin his $90, 000 BMW wasn't the best idea huh?" Deacon smiled. His smile could still melt Rayna. Her resolve was almost completely broken. She knew the more time she spent with him the less likely she was to deny him anything he asked

Coleman was sitting on the steps fuming as Deacon pulled up to the cabin.

"Where the hell have you been for an hour and half?" he barked as Deacon got out

"We just needed to talk, alone. Sorry, Cole." Deacon smirked

"No harm done. Are you two good?" Cole calmed down

"Yeah, we talked. Rayna's gonna take some time to think about things, but we're good."

"You ready to head back to Nashville, Rayna?" Cole asked

"ahhhh..give me a second, Cole?" Deacon asked as he went around to the passenger side, kneeling next to the open car door

"I meant everything I said, Ray. I love you both and I'm gonna prove to you I can be the husband and father you need me to be." He had his hands on Rayna's baby bump. Maddie suddenly kicked

"I think she approves of her daddy. Now I just need to convince mama, right Maddie?" Deacon bent to kiss Rayna's belly. "Daddy loves you." He whispered to his unborn daughter as he felt her kick a few more times. His face was so lit up. Rayna had never seen Deacon so happy as he rubbed her belly and cooed to their baby.

As he moved to stand up, Rayna caught the collar of his denim shirt and pulled him to her for a deep kiss, unable to resist after his sweet exchange with Maddie.

"I do love you, Deacon. I just need a little time, that's all." She smiled as he leaned in for another kiss.

"I've missed you, baby. We'll talk soon. Take care of my little girl." He whispered in her ear before closing the car door.


	5. Chapter 5

"You're not gonna say anything?" Rayna asked Cole after about 20 minutes of silence as he drove back to Nashville

"You're playing with fire, Rayna!" he simply answered without taking his eyes from the road

"What am I supposed to do, Cole? He begged me to give him another chance, and let him be a father to Maddie. Am I just supposed to break his heart all over again and tell him no?"

"Why are you even asking me what to do? Judging from that lip lock you planted on him, I'd say you've already made your choice."

"I shouldn't have done that, but I couldn't resist anymore. He's doing so well. His eyes are so clear. I'm so proud of him, Cole. He's staying sober, and he wants to be a good father. It wouldn't be right to take that away from him. Maddie's his daughter."

"Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?" Cole asked pointedly

"I don't know. I wanna believe so bad that he's finally OK, that he finally loves me and our baby enough to stay sober, but he's tried so hard before and promised before, and swore he was better. He wasn't. What if he's not this time either?"

"He's trying. He's doing good. Tonight didn't knock him off the wagon like I thought it might, but Rayna he's an alcoholic. He'll always be an alcoholic. A bad day, a job loss, a fight with you, anything that upsets his world, can easily and without warning send him right to the bottom of a bottle. Are you willing to give up the security and safety you have with Teddy for that?"

"Teddy! I hadn't even thought about him." Rayna felt horrible for just forgetting all about Teddy

"I'm not sure what to do, Cole. Either way someone gets hurt."

"Well, Rayna…a break up with you isn't gonna send Teddy to a bar. He'll be hurt, but he'll get through it and move on. Deacon on the other hand might go off the deep end again if you choose Teddy, but he might go off the deep end anyway if you do get back together and things don't go exactly as planned, or something upsets him. That's a reality you'd have to live with if you choose Deacon. There's always gonna be that chance he'll slip. Can you live with that?"

"I don't know, Cole. Why does it have to be so damn complicated with Deacon? Even when he's sober, it's complicated."

"I'm sorry, Rayna, but that's the reality of loving an alcoholic. You've got a good thing with Teddy. If you love him, and trust him to be a good father to your baby girl, you need to think long and hard before you give that up for a guy who's already let you down so many times."

"So you still think I need to just let Deacon go, for his sake, my own, and our little girl?"

"I can't tell you what to do Rayna. The fact that Deacon knows about the baby just made things a whole lot more complicated. If you choose him, you need to be ready to accept him for who he is, flaws and all. He's trying, but if he slips you can't go running away everytime. He's gonna slip. Alcoholics like Deacon are always at risk, but I also think he'll keep trying for you and her. Is that gonna be enough for you?"

"I don't know, Cole. I love him so much, but I'm not sure it's enough. I'm not sure I can risk Maddie's happiness and safety." Tears silently slipped down Rayna's cheeks as she agonized over a decision

"You want me to walk you up to your apartment?" Cole asked as he pulled into the downtown parking garage

"No, you've been up all night. It's almost 7am. Go home. Get some rest. Thanks for calling me."

Rayna was exhausted after no sleep and being over 8 months pregnant. All she wanted was her bed and to shut the world out for a few hours as she unlocked her apartment door. Lights were on, and she could hear the TV on in the living room.

"That's odd. I could've sworn I shut everything off before I left." She thought as she tossed her purse and keys on the countertop and headed towards the living room

"Teddy! Wh…what are you doing here?" she asked surprised to find her finance sitting in the living room

"I guess I could ask you the opposite. Why were you not here?" he answered with obvious irritation in his voice

"I….uuuhhh…couldn't sleep so I met Cole for coffee." She stammered caught completely off guard

"Really? So you went to bed, got back up, put on the same clothes you had on last night, did your make up, all to meet Cole for coffee before 7am?" he asked clearly not buying her story

"Yep." She lied

"Cut the crap, Rayna! I've never seen you wear the same outfit twice, let alone the same clothes 2 days in a row."

"Why are you back so early? You just left like 6 hours ago. I thought you had an early meeting?" she asked trying to sway the conversation from her whereabouts

"I did. I still do. I was on my way downtown, and my secretary called to say my client's flight was delayed. They need to push it a couple hours. So, I figured since my fiance's apartment is right here so close, I'd grab some of those bagels you like from across the street and bring you breakfast in bed."

"That was very sweet. Thank you." She tried to smile, but could tell Teddy wasn't about to let this go

"Imagine my surprise when I found your bed empty, and I might add doesn't appear to have been slept in. Still just rumpled on the top like when I left last night. So where exactly does an 8 months pregnant woman go, and not return until 7am?" he asked accusingly

"I said I was with Coleman." Rayna retorted getting a bit irritated

"I'm not stupid, Rayna. This has Deacon written all over it. I know he's been out of rehab a couple months. I figured it was only a matter of time before he called from jail, or a bar, or hospital. What's he done now? I assume you bailed him out, or fixed whatever problem he had, huh?"

"He's fine. No problems." She simply responded

"So you were with him?"

"Yeah, Coleman is his sponsor. He called him tonight feeling a little shaky. I went to make sure he was OK. We were together 11 years, Teddy. He was my band leader. I still care about him. Is that so wrong?"

"Is this how it's always going to be? Everytime Deacon feels shaky, you're just gonna go running in the middle of the night?"

"No…it's just…he's fresh outta rehab and…" she trailed off realizing she didn't really have an argument. Teddy was right to be upset with her

"I can't live like that, Rayna. If you want me to raise Deacon's child as my own, you need to make a choice. Me or him? You can't have both."

To her surprise, as mad as Teddy was, he was very calm. If she'd upset Deacon like this he'd have broken every stick of furniture in her living room by now.

"You're right. I didn't think when Cole called me. I should have just let him handle it. Deacon isn't my problem anymore. I'm sorry."

"So, you're not gonna see him again?" Teddy asked

"No."

"Alright. I guess there was no harm done. We're still on for a weekend wedding?" Teddy asked hopeful as he cradled Rayna's baby bump and leaned in for a make up kiss

"Yeah, I can't wait to be Mrs. Teddy Conrad. Maddie and I don't deserve you. I love you, Teddy. I'm sorry about this." Rayna tried to smile, still conflicted, and more confused than ever, not wanting to hurt Teddy

"Already forgotten. Why don't we have some breakfast?" Teddy was all smiles again as he removed the bagels from the box and poured Rayna some juice

After breakfast Rayna stepped out onto the balcony. She was feeling a little sick. Teddy just assumed it was morning sickness. She knew it was Deacon on her mind.

"Feeling any better in the fresh air?" Teddy asked as he stepped out to join her after he'd taken a business call

"A little. I'm just tired. Think I'm gonna lay down and just relax the rest of the day."

"Well, you're in luck. My client is stuck in Boulder. His flight's been cancelled. I'm free all day. Why don't we just spend the day in bed? I'll pamper my girls. Whatever you want, I'll do. Movies? Lunch from somewhere later?"

"That sounds nice, babe. I'm just gonna take a quick shower. I'll be right out."

Rayna locked the bathroom door, climbed into the shower, and cried as the water cascaded over her. She lovingly rubbed her baby bump as she sobbed quietly hoping Teddy wouldn't hear her.

"What am I gonna do, Maddie? You have two daddies that both love you very much, but there's only room for one of them in our lives. I'm sorry I've made such a mess of things. You're not even here yet and already have all this drama in your life."

When she'd cried all she could, and just felt exhausted mentally and emotionally, she climbed out of the shower. Teddy had turned down the bed and had a cup of her favorite tea waiting as she exited the bathroom. He lovingly curled himself around her and Maddie as she slipped under the covers with him.

"She's active this morning." He commented as he cradled Maddie feeling each kick

"I think she likes warm showers. She's always active after." Rayna smiled holding his hands against her bump

"You feeling better?" He asked kissing her forehead

"Yeah, I am. I'm glad you're here. Thanks for taking care of me, and always being the man I need you to be. I do love you, and appreciate everything you've done for me and Maddie."

"I wouldn't trade this for the world. I can't wait till she's here, Rayna. …but first I can't wait for this weekend to make it all official. You dazzle me, Rayna. We're gonna have an amazing life together raising our little girl. I'm ready for all the firsts. First smile, first words…daddy!" he smiled

"oh no..I think her first word will be mama." Rayna argued playfully as they both felt Maddie kick again

"OK, I'll give you that. I'm just on cloud nine, Rayna. I already love being a father. She's never gonna want for anything. She'll be the most loved little girl ever. I'm looking forward to every single second of the next 18 years and beyond. All the firsts, dances, driving, boyfriends, slumber parties with a house full of screaming little girls."

Rayna swallowed a lump in her throat. Teddy was so happy, and he'd never done a thing wrong. All he wanted is to love Rayna and Maddie. He's stable, and always there. She'd never have to worry if he was coming home, or if he was drunk somewhere. She'd never get a 4am call saying he was in jail because of a bar fight, or laying in a hospital with alcohol poisoning.

Exhaustion finally took over. She fell asleep safe, and feeling loved in Teddy's arms.


	6. Chapter 6

Three days had passed since Rayna's surprise visit to the cabin. Deacon had returned to Nashville the next day feeling a lot better about the future. Being a father scared him to death, but seeing that black and white image of his baby girl and sharing some intimate moments with Rayna, feeling Maddie kick, had made him want it more than anything.

Rayna had given him the photo. He couldn't stop staring at it. In a few short weeks he'd be a father. He'd told Rayna to take all the time she needed. He knew he'd hurt and disappointed her deeply several times, and it was going to take a long time for her to completely trust him, and believe he was done with drinking.

He missed her even more now that he'd seen her and confirmed the baby was his, but he wanted to respect her time to think about things, and keep his word to take all the time she needed.

Writing was occupying a lot of his time. The sad songs about lost love and heartache replaced by happier tunes about becoming a father and husband.

He'd painted the guest room pink, and bought a white baby crib with a matching white pair of rocking chairs. In his mind he could already see himself and Rayna in the chairs watching Maddie sleep, or taking turns comforting her.

The saleswoman from Baby Depot had been more than happy to help a handsome guy pick out decorations, sheets, and pillows to match the room. She'd also helped him pick out clothes, diapers, and accessories. He had no idea how much a baby needed, and his credit card had taken quite a hit before escaping the store, but he was happy.

By Friday afternoon he was getting a little concerned. He'd thought he'd at least hear from Rayna. She was supposed to get married Sat. Several times he'd grabbed his phone only to set it back on the table. He wanted to call, hear her voice, but he knew he needed to just wait, let her come to him.

The kiss had meant everything to him. She'd caught him off guard when she grabbed his collar and pulled him in for a deep, lingering kiss. After 8 months of missing her it was like their first kiss all over again. The connection between them was just as strong as it had always been. He knew he'd never feel the way he felt about Rayna with anyone else.

He'd gone out for some dinner, and an 8pm AA meeting, leaving the paint brushes, and trays soaking on the front porch. Rayna's car was parked in front of his house when he returned. She was so beautiful sitting alone on the swing as he approached. She was positively glowing. She was more beautiful at almost 9 months pregnant than he'd ever seen her.

"Well, hey!" he smiled wide as he stepped onto the porch

"Hey!" she smiled back

"This is a nice surprise. Come in!" he offered as he unlocked the front door

"You been doing some home improvement?" she asked pointing to the paint brushes and trays on the porch

"Yeah, a little."

"Pink doesn't seem like your color." She teased

"C'mere, I wanna show you something." He grabbed her hand pulling her down the hall

"Deacon…I…it's beautiful! I'm not sure what to say. You did all this in just a few days?" she asked with tears threatening

"Just a little paint, and some furniture, Ray. My little girl needs a room at her daddy's house."

"…and the TWO rocking chairs?" she asked swallowing a lump in her throat

"Wishful thinking? I dunno…I just…thought maybe we could sit in here together watchin her sleep, or whatever it is that babies do."

"Deacon…I know you want this, and this room is the last thing I expected, but it's all a little too much, too quick….and…" she couldn't look into his eyes. She'd come to tell him she was marrying Teddy. She'd never imagined he'd have set up a nursery in just a few days. It was breaking her heart as she struggled for the right words.

"Don't do it, Rayna." He pleaded voice cracking

"He's a good man, Deacon. He loves me. He loves Maddie. It's a clean slate, a fresh start without all the baggage and bad memories. You and I will never have that."

"No, Ray…please don't tell me you're marrying Teddy Conrad. You don't love him. I know you, and I can see it. You kissed me at the cabin. You still love me. I'll never believe you don't. C'mon…please, baby, just give me a chance. I can't change the past, but I'm sober, and I want a future together. I didn't even realize how much I wanted it until you showed me the picture of Maddie. She's my little girl Rayna. Don't tell me you're gonna let Teddy Conrad raise my daughter."

"Deacon, listen to me. We've tried so many times. We only hurt each other. Maddie deserves better than that. She needs two stable, loving, parents that she can always depend on, without fail."

"I can be that for her, and you now, Rayna! I know I've failed miserably 4 times. I know that, but this times different. I've never had so much to lose. She's mine, Rayna. She's not Teddy's!"

"Deacon, if you love us you need to let us go. Do what's best for your daughter, even if it's not what's best for you." Rayna was struggling not to cry. The anguish on Deacon's face was killing her

"So what? You're just gonna shut me out of her life?" he asked struggling to keep his composure

"No, you'll be around. You'll see her grow up."

"As what? An uncle, a friend?"

"Two dads would only confuse her, Deacon. This is best, and maybe when she's old enough to understand we can tell her the truth, OK?"

Deacon had turned away, leaning against the crib. He wanted to smash the room, but that would only prove Rayna was right. Teddy was the better father for Maddie, and he knew he had to prove her wrong.

"NO, no, Rayna….nothing about this is OK! I can't stop you from marrying Teddy tomorrow, but I can get a lawyer and fight for my little girl. Don't make me do that, Ray!" he pleaded turning back to face her

"Deacon, come on. You've been in rehab 5 times. You've got a rap sheet as long as my arm for bar fights, public intoxication, domestic calls for fights we've had. Do you really think you'd have a case?"

"Why'd you kiss me the other night? Hell, why'd you even come with Cole?" he turned away again hurt, realizing he probably wouldn't have a chance in hell in a courtroom against Teddy and Rayna

"I care about you, Deacon! I do, but you need more time to get well. You've only been out of rehab a couple months."

"…and how much time is ENOUGH, RAYNA? HUH? DOES IT MATTER? WOULD I EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR OUR LITTLE GIRL IN YOUR EYES, HUH?" He was losing his temper

"Deacon…" Rayna was crying now

"What the hell are you cryin for? You could've waited for me! You could have called or come to see me, and told me about Maddie. You could've ended things between us, before you agreed to marry Teddy."

"I didn't know what to do, Deacon! I found out I was pregnant after you went to rehab. Everyone told me it would be best to just let you go. You barely even remember the night she was conceived, Deacon! You proposed that night and DON'T REMEMBER IT!" she sobbed

"You're right. I don't remember proposing, but I do remember buying the ring before I went to rehab that 4th time. That part…the wanting to marry you I DO RMEMBER, RAYNA!"

"I wanted to marry you, Deacon! I was so happy that night. I thought we were starting a life together. I thought you were FINALLY sober, but by the next morning you'd destroyed that dream."

"I'm sober now, Rayna! I have been for over 8 damn months, and maybe that's not much time, but I'm in this for the long haul this time. I'm gonna stay sober for Maddie. It'd be nice if you had just a little faith in me for once!"

"I've had faith in you every time you've gone to rehab, Deacon! How many times do I have to be disappointed? How many times do I have to watch you fail? I can't do it again, Deacon!"

"So you're convinced I'm gonna fail? …even at bein our little girl's father?" his voice was cracking. He knew he was a disappointment to Rayna, but hearing it really hurt.

"It's not just about us anymore. I can't risk Maddie. I need to go. It's getting late and…" she trailed off not wanting to say she had a big day tomorrow, knowing it would just hurt Deacon more. He was already a mess, and she wasn't sure what he'd do after she left.

"Well…I'm sorry I'm such a damn disappointment, Rayna! I guess it's best if you just go now." He refused to look at her as he leaned over the crib, angry and hurt

"Are you gonna be OK? Do you want me to call Cole?" she asked tears streaming down her face realizing she'd probably just pushed him over the edge

"What, you're damn spy? So he can report back to you what I'm doin? What the fuck does it matter what I do anyway? It doesn't matter how good I try to be, or how hard I try to make you happy, or …NOTHIN MUCH MATTERS, DOES IT?"

Rayna stood frozen, unsure what to do. Deacon's face was red. He was losing his temper. She was afraid to stay, fearing he'd lose it and start destroying furniture. At the same time afraid to go, fearing he'd run to the nearest bar, and if he wouldn't talk to Cole he'd have no support system when he needed it most.

"GO! GO ON…GET THE HELL OUTTA MY HOUSE! YOU MADE YOUR CHOICE!


	7. Chapter 7

"I'm Deacon, and I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober over 8 months now. I was doin good, until last night. I didn't drink, but it was the worst night I've had in months." Deacon addressed the room at a 6am AA meeting the morning after Rayna told him she didn't want him to be Maddie's father.

"Found out my ex is pregnant a while back, and a few days ago I learned that it's mine. I was scared to death at first. Still am, but lookin at the sonogram picture and feeling my baby girl kick suddenly made me want to be her daddy more than anything I've ever wanted. I love my ex, but it was never enough to keep me from takin a drink when things sucked, or just didn't go right for me. For the first time in my life, I love someone enough to NOT DRINK!" Deacon swallowed the lump choking him

"…but I may never get the chance to prove that. My ex is gettin married today. Apparently, he'd make a better father than me. I understand why she feels that way. I've let her down and disappointed her more times than I care to count. Hell, I lost count a long time ago. Anyway, I begged her for another chance. If not for us, at least to be a father to my little girl. She doesn't believe that I'm done drinkin. Maybe she's right. I came damn close last night, but I kept lookin at this." Deacon teared up as he held the sonogram picture in his hand

"Not sure how I can love someone I've never met so much in just a matter of days, but feelin her kick, seein this little innocent human that needs me. No one's ever been completely dependent on me before. Maybe that's why I couldn't ever stay sober for my ex. She's always been the strong one. I didn't need to be. She could handle whatever I dished out, but my daughter is different. I hope she grows up as strong as her mama, but right now she needs me, and dammit I wanna be there for her. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get up here and be a blubbering idiot, but it just hurts like hell ya know." Deacon choked back tears and tried to go on

"For the first time in my life I have a real reason to stay sober, and I may not get to prove it, or even be part of my baby girl's life. Thanks for listening." Deacon sat down as the small group clapped and showed sympathy and compassion.

He sat through a couple more speakers. The meeting was wrapping up when he felt a strong hand on his shoulder.

"What the hell do you want?" he hissed quietly

"I'm proud of you. You're doin good. After Rayna called me I wasn't sure what shape I'd find you in. She's worried about you, and so am I." Cole squeezed Deacon's shoulder a little tighter

"Yeah, bullshit. She sent you to keep tabs on me like ya been doin the past month. I don't need ya, Cole. Go back and tell Rayna whatever the hell you want, but leave me the fuck alone."

"I know you're hurt and angry. You have every right to be. I was wrong to hide the fact that I knew Rayna, but she was worried. She really does care about you, Deke. She just wants you to get well, and stay well."

"What the hell ever. You can go back and tell her I'm NOT drunk! She probably hopes I am just to prove her point, that I'm not father material, and don't deserve a chance with my daughter."

"OK, you're clearly not ready to talk to me, but I'm here if you need me. You got my number." Cole quietly got up to slip out of the meeting, but Deacon followed him

"Why in the hell did you bring her to the cabin the other night anyway?" Deacon snapped as Cole got to his car in the church parking lot

"I didn't want to lie to you anymore, Deke. I thought you deserved to hear about the baby from Rayna. She owed you that much once you figured out it was yours."

"…and what do you think? Is she right to shut me outta my kids life?" Deacon asked looking at the ground

"She doesn't want to shut you out. She just wants to protect Maddie. You know, just like you love that baby, and want what's best for her, so does Rayna."

"…and what, Teddy Conrad is best for my daughter?" Deacon snapped

"He's stable. He's home every night. He's never given Rayna a reason to worry, or doubt he'd be there. She's never had that, Deacon. She may love you, but he gives her security that she's never known before and maybe it feels good to let someone else take some of life's burdens. She's not as strong as you think she is, Deacon. She cried all night. Not exactly how a woman should spend the night before her wedding."

"She made her choice. Not a whole hell of a lot I can do about that. You have a weddin to get to. You should probably go." Deacon quietly said as he turned to go back to the church basement

"Deacon….."

"What?" he answered without bothering to turn around

"I don't think she's gonna go through with it. She doesn't love Teddy. You know that."

"After last night, I don't know anything anymore, Cole. I thought losing Rayna hurt like hell, but bein told I'm not good enough for Maddie …well, damn near killed me. I don't even know Rayna anymore. If I hadn't figured out Maddie is mine, she wasn't gonna tell me. She was gonna marry Teddy and let him raise her as his own. The Rayna I loved wouldn't have done that to me, or at least the Rayna I thought I loved."

"Is he OK?" Rayna asked as Cole came into her apartment

"He's not drinkin, but he's pretty hurt and upset. I found him at the 6am AA meeting. That's a good sign. He's dealing with his urges, and not giving in."

"I wish he hadn't figured it out. I never wanted to hurt him like this. I love him, Cole. He's doing so well, even when I've given him every reason to run to the nearest bar. He didn't. Maybe I'm making a huge mistake. Maybe this time he's really better. I wish I knew what to do." Rayna was sobbing

"C'mere…It's gonna be OK. Shhhh…hey…this is no way to start out your wedding day. Have you talked to Teddy this morning?"

"No, I can't face him either. I'm so confused and conflicted. If I don't marry him today, I'm gonna lose him. He's tired of waiting. He wants it to be official before we have Maddie. I can't really blame him for wanting a commitment. He's a good man. He can give me and Maddie a good family life."

"…but Do you love him? Do you really think it's fair to him if you don't?"

"I guess I never looked at it that way. I do love him, for loving me, for loving Maddie, for being the man I need him to be, but I don't love him the way I love Deacon. My world doesn't stop when I look into Teddy's eyes. It feels safe, but there's no spark, no butterflies. It's just a feeling of security, but sometimes it feels smothering, or forced."

"Teddy deserves someone who'll really love him, Rayna. If you're not sure, or if you need more time you need to tell him regardless of the consequences, even if that means losing him."

"…but what about Maddie? She needs a father she can count on."

"I think she has one. AA meetings are sacred and I'd get kicked out if anyone knew I did this, but you need to hear this." Cole pushed play on a small hand held recorder

Rayna was sobbing, almost unable to breath as the recording ended. She'd never heard Deacon so distraught and hurt, but at the same time confident in his battle against the bottle. He sounded tired. She was sure he hadn't slept much, if at all. Lord knows she hadn't slept at all, worried about Deacon and what he might do. She'd been so afraid he'd start drinking, but he didn't. She'd pushed him further than she'd ever pushed him emotionally and he didn't drink.

"He must hate me after last night." She sobbed against Cole's chest

"He's hurting, Rayna. He may lash out, but deep down he loves you, and he really loves that baby."

"So you think I should call off the wedding and give Deacon a chance to be Maddie's father?"

"I can't tell you what to do, but you don't love Teddy. You love what he can give you in terms of a life. That's not fair to him. You do love Deacon, but you're scared to let him back in. Maybe you just need to take a little time for yourself and think about you and Maddie. Teddy may bail if you call off the wedding, but Deacon's loved you for more than 11 years. He's mad now, but he'll cool off. I don't think he's going anywhere."


	8. Chapter 8

"Have you heard from Teddy?" Tandy asked sitting on Rayna's 20 floor balcony a couple weeks after Rayna called off the 2nd set of wedding plans

"No, he was pretty mad when I said I didn't want to marry him that day, and needed more time to think about things."

'Well you did ditch him at the altar not once, but twice. I doubt most men would have stuck around after the first time, Rayna!" Tandy sniped clearly miffed that Rayna called off the wedding

"I don't love him, Tandy. I didn't exactly break up with him. I just said I needed more time. We haven't even been together a year. I'm not sure we're even together anymore. I tried to call him a few days ago just to clear the air and kind of explain. I left a message. He hasn't called back."

"Do you blame him?"

"No, I wouldn't blame him if he never speaks to me again, but I'm not ready to marry him. I'm confused and …I dunno, maybe after I have this baby and my hormones go back to something similar to normalcy I won't be so damn sensitive and emotional. I'm hoping I'll be able to think a little clearer."

"Really? We both know this has nothing to do with your pregnancy!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just seems like since a certain someone got out of rehab and came back to Nashville, you've been confused. You were fine and seemed happy with Teddy before that."

"I haven't seen him either, and I wasn't FINE! I just kept it all hidden and inside." Rayna snapped

"At all, since he's been back in Nashville? You expect me to believe you haven't seen him?" Rayna hadn't filled Tandy in on the fact that Deacon knew about the baby, or the fact that she'd talked to him more than once

"Rayna! Please don't tell me you're back with HIM?"

"I'm not. Yes, I've seen him twice. Not since I called off the wedding. I don't know if he even knows I didn't marry Teddy."

"So Deacon is the reason you called off the wedding?"

"No…I don't know! Part of it, I guess, but I don't love Teddy the way I should. Not…"

"the way you love, Deacon?" Tandy finished for her

"It's complicated, Tandy. It's always been complicated with Deacon."

"All the more reason why you should just marry Teddy and start a decent life together for you, and Maddie. Forget Deacon! He's never going to be father and husband material."

"He's REALLY trying this time, Tandy. He's been sober almost 9 months. He's doing so well."

"Like the last 4 times?" Tandy asked sarcastically

"I know he hasn't done so well in the past with staying sober, but this time he has more to gain, and he's trying harder than I've ever seen him try at anything."

"Please don't tell me he knows Maddie is his?"

"He figured it out! What was I supposed to do, lie to his face? She is his daughter, and regardless of what he's done in the past, as long as he's sober and trying, he deserves to know her!"

"Rayna, this is a bad idea. What if he starts drinking again?"

"Then I won't let him see her anymore, but until then, I can't really justify keeping them apart. He loves her already. He painted his guest room pink, and bought a crib. He even filled the closet with clothes and diapers. He wants this, Tandy. How could I deny him his little girl?"

"So why haven't you told him the wedding is off?"

"He's upset with me, right now. I'm giving him some cool off time. Before I called off the wedding, I told him I was marrying Teddy, and wanted Teddy to be Maddie's father. I hurt him, Tandy. I thought he'd probably go out and get drunk. He was so upset, but he proved me wrong. He didn't drink. Maddie's given him a reason to stay sober, and I'm so proud of him."

"I dunno, Rayna. Even sober…Deacon has a temper. Are you sure he's safe around a baby?"

"Tandy, he'd never hurt a child. He's never physically hurt me for that matter. He had a horrible childhood. He's a volatile guy, but he's learning to control it. I really hurt him the night I told him I was marrying Teddy and keeping Maddie away from him. He was mad. He yelled, but he didn't break anything. He kept it together. He's trying, Tandy."

"Then why are you avoiding him?"

"You're right. I shouldn't be avoiding him. I need to tell him I'm sorry, and hope he can forgive me."

"Forgive you? What the hell for, Rayna? After everything that man's put you through, he should be kissing your ass."

"You didn't see the look on his face, the hurt in his eyes when I told him I didn't want him to be Maddie's father. I all but said he wasn't good enough, and I can't believe I did it. He didn't deserve that, Tandy. No matter what he's done I shouldn't have hurt him like that. He was so happy with the pink room and crib he picked out for her. He even has two matching rocking chairs next to the crib. He's not a bad guy, Tandy. He's made mistakes, and he's trying to make up for them, and all I've done is try to destroy him and his hopes. I'm not sure I deserve him at this point." Rayna teared up thinking about how hurt Deacon must feel

"Rayna, you really need to think long and hard before you let him back into your life, into that baby's life."

"I've done nothing but think and agonize over Teddy and Deacon! I go back and forth wondering who should be Maddie's father, and maybe Teddy is the wise choice. How will Maddie feel years from now though? Will she understand that Teddy was best for her, or will she hate me for keeping Deacon away from her and not giving her the chance to know him?"

"She never needs to know about Deacon, Rayna! If she grows up with Teddy and his name is on her birth certificate, there is no reason she'd ever need to know the truth and she'd be better off!"

"I'm not so sure anymore, Tandy. When Deacon was in rehab I felt that way too, but after he figured it out and seemed soo happy…" Rayna trailed off her eyes misting over

"It's getting chilly out here. We should probably go in." Tandy suggested as the mid March air turned cooler with sunset

Rayna felt a sharp pain in her back as she stood to go in.

"oohhhh….wow, that was a kick!" she smiled as the pain subsided

"Are you OK?" Tandy asked as Rayna reached around and rubbed her back where she'd felt the pain

"Yeah, just a sharp pain. Sometimes she kicks me right in the kidney."

Rayna took a few steps and suddenly stopped.

"I think…it might be time." She gasped as another sharp pain hit her and her water broke

"OK, relax! Let's get you to the hospital to deliver my niece."

The pains became closer and sharper as Tandy sped Rayna to Vanderbilt.

"How are you feeling now?" Tandy asked once Rayna was settled in a room

"Better now that we're here. I'm glad you were with me when my water broke. I'd been having the pain, but I didn't realize they were contractions."

"Well, the doctor said you still have a little while before Maddie makes her entrance. I know you and daddy aren't on the best of terms, but I told him I'd let him know when Maddie was almost here. Do you mind if I call him?" Tandy asked

"You can call, but I'd really prefer he not come until after Maddie's born. I don't need him barking orders at the doctors and nurses."

"OK, I'll tell him maybe tomorrow would be best. I'll be right back. I need to make some other business calls too. It's already tomorrow in China. Do you want anything?" Tandy asked

"No, I'm fine. I'm just gonna try to take a little nap. It might be a long night."

Rayna tried to sleep, but the painful back spasms continued. She finally dozed off only to be awoken by the doctor returning to check her progress. Tandy still hadn't come back.

"OK, Miss Wyatt…I think your baby is in a bit of a hurry. You're already dilated to 8cm. I thought we had a little more time, but I think we've got an impatient little girl who wants to meet her mommy. I'm gonna have the staff prep you for delivery. I'll be back in 20 minutes." The doctor smiled as he removed his exam gloves

"NOW…already? …but you said hours just an hour ago." Rayna was starting to freak out a little with the delivery coming so quick, and Tandy still not back

"Can someone tell my sister? She stepped away to make some calls half an hour ago and she hasn't come back."

"Sure, I'll see if someone can track her down. If there's anyone else you need to call, I'd suggest now. Is Teddy planning to come?" The doctor asked having met Teddy at several appointments

"uuuhhhh…we're not exactly on speaking terms. I don't think…" Rayna trailed off, swallowing a lump in her throat realizing she was alone for this delivery

"I see. Sorry, I didn't mean to pry. I remember you said the situation was complicated initially. I just…well it isn't my place. I'll see if we can locate your sister. See you shortly." The doctor awkwardly left realizing he'd upset Rayna

"Hey..they told me you're about to deliver? What happened? I thought the doctor said hours just a little bit ago?" Tandy exclaimed as she rushed back in just in time for Rayna's epidural

"Apparently Maddie has other plans!" Rayna tried to smile, but burst into tears instead

"Oh…honey, it's OK. I'm right here. Daddy said he'll be by soon. I couldn't stave him off till tomorrow. You know how he is. He's really excited to be a grandpa, Rayna. Maybe cut him a little slack, huh?" Tandy asked squeezing Rayna's hand

Rayna winced and squeezed Tandy's hand tighter through a couple rough contractions.

"OK, I'll cut daddy a little slack if you'll cut Deacon a little slack?" Rayna asked hopeful

"Oh, alright…but…"

"Would you call Deacon, please? I want him to be here for Maddie's birth." Rayna cut her off before she could argue

"Rayna, I'm not sure that's the best idea. How about we call him after?"

"NO, Tandy! PLEASE! CALL HIM NOW! Before he misses his daughter's birth." Rayna insisted

"OK, if you're sure? I'll be right back. They won't let me use a phone in here."

Deacon had fallen asleep watching late night talk shows. He'd been attending 3 AA meetings daily to stay on track with his sobriety, but was finding each day harder as he struggled with Rayna's decision.

He was jolted from a restless sleep by a piecing ring from his cell phone in the quiet, lonely house. He sleepily reached for the offending sound, glancing at the wall clock which read 3:12am.

"This better be damned important at this hour." He groggily sniped without even looking at the caller ID

"Cheerful as ever, huh, Deacon?" Tandy tried to keep the sarcasm out of her voice

"Tandy! Is Ray OK?" Deacon asked suddenly worried once he realized who was calling

"She's fine, but she is in labor, and for whatever reason…she wants you here. Maddie's coming quick, so if you want to be here, you need to come now! We're at Vanderbilt in delivery room 6."

"I…didn't think she wanted…." Deacon stammered in disbelief that Rayna was asking for him

"Apparently she's had a change of heart. Are you coming, or not? I need to get back to Rayna."

"Yeah, yeah…I'm on my way!" Deacon had grabbed his keys before he even hung up, and was out the front door.


	9. Chapter 9

Deacon wasn't sure what to expect as he drove the 5 miles to Vanderbilt hospital at 3:30am. Rayna had been so adamant about Teddy being Maddie's father. He wondered if Teddy was there too?

"Was he just supposed to sit in the waiting room as uncle?" he wondered as he put the truck in park in the parking deck

He climbed out, slipping his keys into his coat pocket, crossing the deck in the chilly march morning air. He was nervous. Not sure what to expect as he asked the information desk where to go.

"uuhh…yeah…I need to find Rayna Wyatt or her sister Tandy Hampton?" Deacon asked a nurse as he approached the maternity/ delivery area

"Oh, you're the father! Yes, Rayna's expecting you. Let's get you in a gown and sterilized for your baby's delivery. She's due any second." The woman rushed Deacon into a prep room

"uuhhh…OK, I guess…I wasn't sure she wanted me in the delivery room?" Deacon asked a bit confused once he was dressed and sterile

"Deacon Claybourne, right?" the nurse asked

"Yeah, that's me."

"Yes, she specifically asked that you be brought into the delivery room as soon as you arrived. Come on. You're baby's in a hurry. Rayna's already pushing." The woman smiled ushering Deacon quickly down the hallway to delivery room 6

Rayna looked exhausted already as Deacon entered. She smiled and he immediately took her hand.

"You're here?" her voice cracked and tears pricked her eyes as she squeezed his hand

"Yeah, I'm here. Not so tight…I am a guitarist." He joked as a painful contraction hit and Rayna tightened her grip on his hand

"I'm sorry." She stammered through tears as he gently pushed sweaty red locks from her forehead

"Shhhh, it's OK, baby. Let's just get you through this right now, OK? We'll worry about the rest later."

"OK, Rayna…I need a deep breath and one more big push." The doctor asked as Rayna struggled through another contraction

"I thought she had an epidural, why is she in so much pain?" Tandy asked from the corner where she'd stepped after Deacon arrived to take over at Rayna's side

"Maddie kinda caught us off guard with a quicker than expected arrival. I think the epidural only took on one side. She's feeling everything on her left side." The doctor answered

"Is that dangerous? Is she gonna be OK?" Deacon asked worried

"It happens and is common when they're already pretty dilated during the epidural. Just makes delivery a little rough, but we'll get her something for pain as soon as we get miss Maddie out here." The doctor explained

"Come on, Rayna…one more push should do it." And with that Maddie was in the doctors hands. He quickly cleared mucus from her mouth before handing her to Deacon screaming her head off

"She's already got my temper." Deacon teared up as he held his newborn baby girl for the first time

"Here ya go, sweetie. Here's mama." He cooed to the baby as he put her in Rayna's arms after the cord had been cut

"Maddelynn Grace Claybourne has a nice ring to it, huh?" Rayna smiled watching Deacons every facial expression as he looked at Maddie

"Damn near perfect, just like her." Deacon was happier than Rayna had ever seen him

"Thank you, Ray…for letting me be here for this."

"She's your daughter, Deacon. You have every right to be here. I'm soo sorry I told you otherwise. Can you ever forgive me?"

"I think this moment makes up for just about every fight, or disagreement we've ever had."

"Sorry to interrupt. We'll give her right back, but we need to clean Maddie up and run a few tests." One of the nurses said as she reached for Maddie

A couple hours later Maddie was peacefully sleeping in Deacon's arms in Rayna's hospital room. He hadn't let go since the nurses gave her back. Rayna was exhausted and sound asleep after some drugs for pain a few feet away. He was still a little confused and wasn't sure what to expect as far as the future, but holding Maddie was all that mattered for now.

"Do I get to hold her?" Rayna sleepily asked after another hour had passed

"Oh, hey…how long you been awake?" Deacon smiled as he placed Maddie in Rayna's arms

"A little while. I was just watching you with her. You're a natural already, Deacon. She barely stirs in your arms. I think she already knows how loved and safe she is with her daddy."

"Is that what you want me to be, Ray? Her daddy?" Deacon cautiously asked

"Yeah, you are her daddy, Deacon. I never should have tried to say you weren't. She needs you, and I know you need her too."

"You won't regret it, Ray. I'll never do anything to hurt her. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I'll never let her down."

"I know, Deacon. I believe you. I know how hard you're trying, and I'm so proud of you."

"That means a lot, Ray. I should probably go home. You and Maddie need your rest. It's been a long day. Can I come back 1st thing tomorrow?"

"You are welcome in our lives anytime, Deacon. We'll see you in the morning." Rayna sleepily smiled as Deacon bent to kiss Maddie.

"I'll put her in her bed. She's out, and you look pretty close to it." Deacon gently placed Maddie in her bed next to Rayna's bed.

Rayna was sound asleep as he quietly slipped out of the room. He was exhausted, but on cloud nine as he drove home that afternoon. Not completely sure what everything meant, or where it would all go, but hopeful about the future again. He hadn't missed Teddy's absence at the hospital, but had decided that was a talk for another time. As far as he knew Rayna and Teddy had been married a few weeks. He'd been avoiding all news and sources of gossip so he was unaware Rayna had called off a second wedding.

Tandy and Lamar had been less than thrilled with Deacon's presence at the hospital, but he didn't care. The only thing that mattered to him was that Rayna was giving him the chance to really be Maddie's father. Suddenly nothing else mattered. Maddie was already his world after just a few hours. In the back of his mind he still held out hope that maybe Rayna would give him another chance somehow, maybe someday.

After a decent night's sleep and an AA meeting he was back at the hospital around 9am the following morning. He had a teddy bear for Maddie and roses for Rayna.

"She's more alert today, huh?" he smiled as he grabbed Maddie from her bed

"Yeah, I think we have a night owl! She barely slept all night. She's been napping since about 6am. Now she's wide awake again." Rayna looked exhausted as Deacon sat in the chair next to her bed with Maddie on his lap

"Hey, baby girl. Look at you all awake this morning. I think you kept mama up past her bedtime though." Deacon held Maddie to his chest patting her back like he'd been doing it for years

"Are we ready to try a bottle?" A nurse asked entering the room with a tiny baby bottle

"Yeah, I guess. We're not breast feeding? I read in one of them baby magazines it's best." Deacon asked

"You're reading magazines about breast feeding?" Rayna laughed

"Hey, I've never done this. I need all the help and advice I can get." Deacon smiled as he took the bottle and let the nurse help him get Maddie situated on is lap for a meal

"You keep surprising me, Deacon Claybourne!" Rayna laughed again at how much he wanted to learn and be a good father

"Actually this is breast milk in the bottle. Rayna pumped this morning. She thought you might like to feed Maddie too."

"Thanks, Ray. I do wanna be part of everything."

"Remember that when she needs a diaper change in a little while or spits up all over your dress shirt." Rayan laughed knowing Deacon didn't have a clue about what was coming, and wore one of his best shirts

"OK, she's had about 2 ounces now. That's good for a newborn feeding. Sit her up and pat her back until she burps." The nurse helped Deacon learn to burp Maddie after feeding

Rayna fell back asleep after the nurse left. Deacon just sat for hours holding Maddie. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. She was the most beautiful baby he'd ever seen. By late afternoon she was a little fussy. Rayna woke to Deacon pacing the room with her, quietly singing and cooing to calm her. She just watched for a while before telling him she was awake.

"You're already the best father I've ever seen, Deacon. I'm soo sorry I ever doubted you."

"I didn't give you much reason to think otherwise, Ray. I understand. It's OK. You were just protecting our little girl."

"Do you think I could get her back for a little bit?" Rayna asked

"Oh, yeah…I guess I have been a baby hog today." He smiled as he gently placed Maddie in Rayna's arms again

"She looks so much like you, Deacon. All that dark hair, and same facial features."

"I think there's a lot of you in her too, Ray. Let's hope she got the best of us. I already know she has my temper. That might not be pretty in a couple years when the terrible two's set in." Deacon joked

"You seem to have mellowed out with fatherhood. Let's hope some of that calmer, Deacon rubs off on her."

"I hope so. Poor kid doesn't stand a chance with my temper and your diva ways all in one." He laughed

"I am not a diva, thank you very much!"

"How about we just agree to disagree on that note." He smiled gently brushing Maddie's dark locks

"I've never seen you like this, Deacon. I think fatherhood suits you."

"I should probably go, Ray. You and Maddie need some time. I'll be back soon. When do you get outta here? A week or so?" Deacon asked

"No, Deacon." Rayna just laughed

"What?" he asked confused

"They get you out pretty quick. We'll be released tomorrow morning."

"That quick? Are you sure, we're ready?" he asked a little scared suddenly

"I've never seen you more ready for anything, Deacon. Could I ask a favor?"

"Anything, Ray?"

"Tandy has meetings all morning. She said she could push some back, but I don't want her to rearrange her schedule. Could you pick us up around 8, and take us home?"

"Sure, I'll be here. Oh…uhhh..the one thing I didn't get was a car seat. You gotta have one of those, right?" he asked

"Yes, You need a car seat until they're like 8." Rayna just laughed again. He was so worried about every little detail and she loved him for it, even if she wasn't ready to say it

"Don't worry, Ray. I'll get one. The lady at baby depot has made a killing in commissions off me. She'll be happy to see me today. I'll see you both in the morning. Bye, Maddie. Daddy misses you already and I haven't even left yet." He gently kissed Maddie's head before leaving

As he drove across town to Baby Depo he wondered where Teddy had been. He still hadn't asked. Obviously, Rayna wanted him to raise Maddie as his daughter and there had been no mention of Teddy. Rayna's jewelry had been on the bedside table in her hospital room. It hadn't escaped Deacon that her engagement ring was missing.

The lady at Baby Depot had been more than happy to sell him the most expensive car seat in the store, saying it had the best safety ratings and was adjustable as Maddie grew so she could use it for a while.

The next morning as promised he was at the hospital, ready to take Rayna and Maddie home. He went to get the truck as a nurse wheeled Rayna to the hospital exit.

He gently took, and placed Maddie in the new car seat, fumbling with the five point harness. It took him so long the nurse had already helped Rayna into the passenger seat.

"DAMMIT….uuhhhh Darn It!" he blushed, looking up at Rayna, realizing he'd need to watch his mouth as Maddie got older

"She's gonna be a little sponge in a year or so, repeating everything you say, Deacon!" Rayna joked thinking how adorable it was that he was already thinking about that

"Yeah, I know. I'm tryin to watch my mouth. I spent an hour tryin to install this da…"crazy" thing before I got here." He smiled catching himself again as he finally got Maddie all secured in her new car seat

"You'll be a pro after a couple car rides." Rayna smiled taking his hand as he slipped in next to her in the driver's seat

He stared into her eyes, confused about where this was going, and what her intentions with him were. After several seconds of awkward silence he finally decided to just ask. He was happy, but needed to know exactly where he stood. The last thing he wanted to do was cross any boundaries.

"Ray…I…couldn't help but notice Teddy has been missing the past couple days. I know he's not Maddie's father and all, but shouldn't your husband have at least been here?" he asked watching her for reaction

"I called off the wedding, AGAIN! We're not married, and I don't think we're even together at this point. I haven't heard from him since the day we were supposed to get married. I hurt him, and…" she trailed off, swallowing a lump

"You care about him. It's OK. I understand. I just…kinda need to know where we stand, ya know? If all you want me to be is Maddie's daddy…I'm good with that…." Before he could say anymore Rayna had leaned over and pulled him to her for a deep, passionate kiss

"You're so much more than Maddie's dad, Deacon. I love you. I've never not loved you, and I'm sorry it took seeing you with Maddie to make me realize how much I need you. Can we try again? I'm soo sorry I doubted you. You've been amazing these last few days, and I…." tears filled her eyes as Deacon pulled her back for another kiss

"I love you too, Ray! We're good. It's gonna be OK, this time. I promise, baby. I'll never give you a reason to doubt me again. We're kinda in a loadin area here. We better go." He started the truck as an impatient driver behind them honked

"So, where to? You never told me where you were livin now. I guess we have a lot of catchin up to do." He smiled wide as he pulled out of the hospital parking lot, thrilled to have both of his girls, and more ready for the future than he'd ever been

"I have an apartment downtown, overlooking the river, but I think we'd like to go home. Maddie would love to spend some time in her new room at your house. Mind if we stay a while?"

"I'd love that, Ray. Home it is. Funny, we've had that house for 9 years, and it's never felt more like a home than it does right now. Wherever my girls are, is where home is from now on." He couldn't help but smile all the way home, as he held Rayna's hand, and watched Maddie in the rearview mirror.

THE END


End file.
